his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you had me at cake vodka
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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