is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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