why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
