is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
