Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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