Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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