I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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