apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
