The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
