I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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