"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
