its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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