I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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