i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
