just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
