Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
