i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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