After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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