Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
