I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
