Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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