in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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