I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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