he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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