My hand turned me down
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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