if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
