I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
