i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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