I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
