He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
