I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
