Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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