dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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