he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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