I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
