i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
