I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
