I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
