I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
