I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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