my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
