I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
