but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
