HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
