Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
