I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
