Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
