dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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