i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
