walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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