I feel like abortions should bother me more
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
