Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
